Friday, October 21, 2011

I don't know what it means...

Yesterday, I was sitting in my office between patients. I was watching and listening to this.
 (push play and keep reading).

 I had the volume up in my earbuds as I shuffled papers, reviewed charts, and signed various documents. My associate, Justin (ten years younger than I am) sat across the desk from me shuffling papers and signing charts while he listened to something on his computer about the economy and politics. Every so often the earbuds would come out and he would share interesting tidbits with me about the history of the FED, or things he had learned about the CPI, or this or that presidential candidate. Out of the blue, he told me that he has noticed that as he gathers new information each day his views or ideas change a little bit. He confessed that he realizes he is like most people in this way, no better or worse than others, "just human" (his words not mine). One day he might find that he strongly agrees with the ideas of a certain person or candidate and that later he may find he feels a bit differently about things.

The way he sees "things" changes, some days just slightly and slowly.

As he shared this with me, I couldn't help thinking about how this compares to my job, and, my life. I was sitting in the middle of a typical day at my office, doing what I typically do. On Thursday afternoons I see folks that have had surgery to improve their vision. If all has gone well, they tell me how different the world looks and how things seem so much better than what they had gotten used to. Most tell me that before treatment things had changed so slowly they weren't really aware of it, until something made them realize they couldn't see as well as they wanted. But then, after treatment, the change seemed dramatic. Many find that not only can they see the thing they struggled with better, but everything looks much more vivid. Most say everything looks so much brighter and the world looks more colorful.

As I was thinking about this, Justin pulled out one of his earbuds. His cellphone was ringing, and as he picked it up I could hear his words mixed with the music. His facial expression changed and he flashed a large smile. His voice changed with his expression to talk to Garron, his two year old, in "daddy talk". Through my earbuds, I couldn't hear everything, but I could make out,  "You took a nap in your big boy bed, oh, way to go buddy! ... I am so proud of you! I love you... okay...Tell Mommy I'll see you in a little bit...Bye bye". The earbud went back in and he went back to the business at hand. I glanced at him over the top of my computer,

and I wondered if his worldview had just changed.

My mind started to focus on the faces of my three boys and the days of "big boy beds" not so long ago. Big boy beds, footie pajamas, bedtime stories, and tickle games interrupted my thoughts, and memories played like a music video to the song in my earbuds. Meanwhile, Bono started singing Latin and getting louder. As I listened to him singing I thought, I don't know what these words mean (even though I have Googled it before), but it is beautiful. I could make out L'amore...Love. My heart was beating a bit harder and my chest felt a bit heavy.

As I listened, and remembered,  I realized that to me the world now looks so much brighter and more colorful. Day after day, our worldview can slowly change as we accumulate facts, information, and experiences. But occasionally, and I hope frequently, love will dramatically put things in a much different, much better, much brighter perspective. Somehow things look so much better than what we have gotten used to. I hope that this is what occurs for all of us, being "just human". And I hope it continues. I don't know what causes these changes in life.  I don't know how it happens.

I don't know what it means... but it is beautiful.

Okay. so you don't have to google it, here is the translation.
You say that the river
finds the way to the sea
and like the river
you will come to me
beyond the borders
and the dry lands
You say that like a river
like a river...
the love will come
the love...
And i don't know how to pray anymore
and in love i don't know how to hope anymore
and for that love i don't know how to wait anymore